|Stairway - 'Interregnum' (Stairway Music)|
|Written by Gaz E|
|Sunday, 18 April 2010 06:05|
Look at that cover - awesome. Rodney Matthews has done album covers for Magnum, Tygers Of Pan Tang and Asia amongst other rock dinosaurs and now his career peaks with Stairway.
This piece of artwork may cause nocturnal emissions for 40-something bachelors who still whack off to the bra pages of the Grattan's catalogue when their elderly parents are busy at the tea dance, but for those of us who have followed evolution closely this cover is more dated than that fake tea towel called the Turin Shroud. In fact, all this talk of evolution and dinosaurs and fake tea towels will be most upsetting to the members of Stairway as they are spreading the word of that god bloke through the gift of gumby metal. Rumours that their next album will be a concept album based on Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny remain unconfirmed at this time.
'Interregnum' is the band's fifth album and it, ahem, "combines the brilliance of Iron Maiden with the vocal mastery of Queen." Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm only aware of one band going by the name of Iron Maiden, and only one Queen. But that can't be right as Stairway sound nothing like either; there must be a pair of similarly named bands out there peddling plodding bore rock. Seriously, this band sound as much like Maiden and Queen as this review reads like William Burroughs - I'd love it to but there is more chance of me sleeping with KD Lang....on the sun.
Whilst doing a bit of research on this turgid trio online I stumbled upon a quote from a US reviewer who claimed that Stairway were one of Britain's best kept music secrets - confirmation then that some Americans still think that British people talk like Dick Van Dyke and limp across cobble-stoned streets alongside Mary Poppins and Jack The Ripper.
You have to give credit to these veteran fellas for still trying to rock out as they approach their twilight years but I can't help but laugh that they think that anyone else will care. Everything about this album, from music to logo, cover to concept is a cheesy cringefest that is summed up perfectly by the song 'Enter The Light' which has lyrics about Satan and the funniest backing vocals that I have heard for a long time. "I Feel Satan" it says. Well, I feel like contacting Satan and asking him to ram his fire cock down the throat of every person responsible for this album. But, of course, he doesn't exist - he is a part of the mind control fairy tale, you silly men.
The incredible band logo features, get this, a stairway! Guess where it leads? To the place where music goes to die. Awful.