|Crystal Viper - 'Crimen Excepta' (AFM Records)|
|Written by Mark Ashby|
|Tuesday, 03 July 2012 04:15|
Journalists normally love hyperbolae. But, we love adjectives even more; having said that, sticking a whole load of them in one sentence is normally a pretty bad idea. I mean, seriously, can we really put words like 'mediocre', 'unimaginative', 'pedestrian', 'uninspiring', 'lame', 'boring', 'pretentious' and 'pathetic' all in the same string of words?
Unfortunately, when it comes to this absolutely awful fourth album from Polish melodic rockers Crystal Viper, we're going to have to - because, to be brutally honest, we don't really have the time or inclination (never mind the energy after listening to this load of clap trap) to spread them out over the length of an entire review.
A concept album based around "holy inquisition, black magic and witches", at the end of it all I wanted was said inquisition to use their magic and burn the witches responsible for this at the stake. Vocalist Marta Gabriel has been hailed (according to her press team at least) as "the younger sister of Leather Leone" (the former Chastain singer, for those who don't remember her - and how could you forget? Oh, you have? Understandable!), and she very much wants to plough the furrow of Anne Boleyn, Lee Aaron and the goddess herself, Doro - but, she is nowhere near as talented, with an extremely limited range being her main downfall.
The songs are overlong and just disappear up their own arseholes, and the musical performances are derivative - there's another of those dreaded adjectives - and characterless (is that another one?), while the production is staid and workmanlike. Not even a guest appearance of Vader frontman Piotr Wiwczarek on a dire cover of 'Tyrani Piekel' (excuse me, this is supposed to be death metal, not 'The Voice') is enough to save this disappointing opus miserabilis.
To pick up your copy of 'Crimen Excepta' - CLICK HERE