Blood God - 'No Brain, But Balls!' (Alive) Print E-mail
CD Reviews
Written by Gaz E   
Thursday, 13 September 2012 05:00

bloodgodNow this is a curio for many, many reasons.


Blood God is the new, more straight-ahead rock project from Thomas Gurrath, frontman with German death metal outfit Debauchery, a man famed for his outrageous and explicit live shows.


With Blood God Gurrath has fashioned a sound that straddles the line between the Rhino Bucket/Airbourne way of ripping off AC/DC, and the more metallic Udo-era Accept/Krokus way of doing, well, pretty much the same. The album is sharply produced - with knobs twiddled, possibly literally, by Dennis Wars (Pink Cream 69) and Tom Naumann (Sinner, Primal Fear) - and...ahem....comes in an impressive piece of deluxe packaging: a great two disc digipack with artwork part 'Women and Children Last' Murderdolls, part Robert Rodriguez flick Machete....but with the CD booklet's first photo being of a woman sat on the toilet while holding a large double-ended dildo it doesn't take an age to work out just where this side project is heading...


'Blowjob Barbie' opens the album and, well, it's a decent start; the plodding bass line dates it but it certainly hits a few spots, the additional female vocals certainly adding quality. But let's not forget, the song is called 'Blowjob Barbie' and begins with the lyrical genius, "Blond girl, wet and nasty - big tits, dirty and busty." And that's pretty much how the entire album shapes up: hugely acceptable sub-AC/DC riffage with ridiculous 'sexy' lyrics smeared all over its face.


"Turn the music louder and get out your cock, tonight we show you how the virgins get rocked," screams the poetic prose ejaculated over 'Hard Rock Party Bus' and all I can think about when listening are those embarrassing nightclub photographs of fake-tanned and shaven-headed Neanderthals groping and leering at young girls. Y'know, the kinda prick that you'd be ashamed to say that you knew if you heard them talking like a clichéd porn star after imbibing a small quantity of overpriced alcoholic beverage.


And it's a shame, because songs like 'Womanizer' and 'Psycho Pussy' - I know - hit home in a basic, lowest common denominator riff rock kinda way...lyrics notwithstanding, of course.


"Turn off your fucking brains and party like there is no tomorrow," the press sheet exclaims, and on a primal level I guess there are times when big titties and rock music are all that matter...but there is a tomorrow and, sadly, waking up in a strange bed with shit under your fingernails would be less embarrassing in the cold, harsh light of day than admitting that this album does it for you.


Like two decade old hardcore pornography this is made by the typical male for the typical male and suffers for it. Replacing stereotypical rock 'n' roll innuendo with all-out potty talk, unbelievably, dilutes the record's ability to impress ever further, it's only real fans sure to be meatheads, virgins and older, single men who still live with their parents.


It's a fucking shame (with every pun intended) as the whole package - production, packaging, etc - is wholly impressive.


Guess what? The fun doesn't end there. Remember me saying about five hundred words ago that this album came as a two disc set? Well, and this is so cute, the second disc features the album in its entirety but with, get this, the vocals replaced by death metal grunts....for Gurrath's hardcore (duh) Debauchery fan base. 'Cookie Monster vocals' are the de rigueur, slightly clichéd way to describe these kind of vocals, right? Well, I have no other way to describe them - they sound just like the fucking Cookie Monster.....but he's talking about tits and "cum swallowing in quantities" - it's wrong, just wrong.


Blood God's 'No Brains, But Balls!' is stupid.


I guess the title should have given it away, right?