Kunt And The Gang/Wonk Unit - London, New Cross Inn - 28th September 2011 Print E-mail
Written by Darrel Sutton   
Thursday, 06 October 2011 05:00

kunttourAfter many near misses I finally got to pop my Kunt cherry and despite the torture of having to drive across Central London there was no way I was going to miss the opening night of the "Hurry Up And Suck Me Off Before I Get Famous" tour.


But before we get to the main event there was also a quite tasty supporting line-up tonight, but London traffic being what it is, I missed Ragweed and the magnificently named Oiz II Men. I did however get to catch Wonk Unit and boy am I glad I did. I'd never heard of the band until a bit of research a couple of days beforehand gave me a bit of indication as to what to expect. Having recently had Duncan Redmonds (yes, he of Snuff fame) in their ranks, it's no surprise that there's a bit of Snuff influence in their music. Combined with a bit of China Drum and splash of The Jam they are pretty fucking stunning. Singer/Guitarist Alex Johnson introduces the first couple of songs by serenading us with the lyrics as poems before blasting into the songs proper, and as they career through the likes of 'Los Angeles' and 'Guts' I come to the conclusion I could be watching a personal favourite band for years to come. They've just released a new album called 'Trolleys Thank You' and you'd be well advised to check this out as soon as you can, and if Wonk Unit are playing anywhere near you go and check them out and be entertained. After all, any band boasting a song with a chorus of 'Cement You Cunt' can't be missed, can they?


Anyway, enough of the live music. Despite the quality of said music, everyone is here tonight for the spiky-wigged, foul mouthed, jump suit wearing raconteur........the one, the only Kunt....... And The Gang of course. Kicking off with the title track of his new album, and indeed the monicker of the tour, 'Hurry Up And Suck Me Off Before I Get Famous' gets things off to a flying start and shows the moral bar is continuing to be set impossibly low. As the likes of 'Shaven Haven' and the old standard 'Gentleman's Wash' titillate all in attendance it's amazing to see the cross section of society Kunt appeals to. Blokes with their girlfriends, city gents suited and booted, crusty punks.....all disciples of the belly laughs Kunt invariably produces.


'Bangers And Mash', 'Use My Arsehole As A Cunt' and 'Wank Fantasy' get an airing before 'Fucksticks' (the original not the Royal Wedding version) gets the whole crowd singing along in fine voice. We're then told of Kunt's pride in having taken up the gauntlet of writing a 3-minute pop song about assisted suicide before 'Let's Take Nan To Dignitas'. I'm not sure if it was this song or 'I Sucked Off A Bloke' where Kunt actually got badly distracted by a punter putting a sticker of Jade Goody on the stage in front of him. Priceless. 


As the set nears its climax Kunt unexpectedly dips into his back catalogue and plays "The Barry George Song" (due to the fact he's heckled for it by two separate people) and promptly fucks it up mid-song, much to the hilarity of the crowd. We then get the pleasure of the company of Little Kunt (who appears no worse for wear following his unexpected abandonment in an Edinburgh hotel) for 'For A Million Pounds' and then treated to a stellar finale of 'Wanking Over A Pornographic Polaroid Of An Ex-Girlfriend Who Died' and the timeless 'Wank The Dog'. 


I've no doubt missed a couple of tracks from the above but a Kunt show is much like a Chubby Brown show. You try as hard as you can to remember the jokes and actually remember fuck all. Either way, my Kunt virginity is gone and I feel metaphorically violated and elated, which is how it's supposed  to be. Nice one.